WAIWAV – Transcript

WAIWAV – Audio Introduction – Transcription

Lisette Auton  0:01 

Just do some talking.

Madi Gray  0:02 


Lisette Auton  0:03 

What did you have for breakfast? I always get asked that if I go in a studio and I can just never remember what I did that morning

Madi Gray  0:13 

I did that for a chap who was around during the Second World War, and it’s so, it’s not, it’s not a question to ask people who are already a little bit spooked by recording equipment.

Lisette Auton  0:22 

Excellent to know!

WAIWAV – Audio Main – Transcription

Lisette Auton  0:00 

Hey, it’s doing it’s thing! And so, Madi the sister.

Madi Gray  0:07 

Oh that’s like Henry the Eighth but please don’t chop my head off.

Lisette Auton  0:12 

Was he the one that chopped heads off?

Madi Gray  0:13 

Yeah, yeah

Lisette Auton  0:15 

You’re history girl, I don’t understand

Madi Gray  0:18 

divorce marry died. no divorced, beheaded died divorced beheaded survived. that was the wives. I learned that from Horrible Histories the stage show.

Lisette Auton  0:29 

Oh I thought that was something that maybe you’d learned in your I’m a curator education

Madi Gray  0:32 

no no it was it was 3d and everything, it was brilliant. you know when people bring us inquiries, what do you think we’re doing, we’re just Googling

Lisette Auton  0:41 

I was once in awe of your like history knowledge, now I know it’s just Horrible Histories and Google

Madi Gray  0:49 

that’s my, that’s my qualification. I don’t have a degree I have Google, Wikipedia and Horrible Histories.

Lisette Auton  0:59 

Okay, so let’s zoom back in time to I don’t even know, years. Do you know when I got back from Uni and it had all gone wrong?

Madi Gray  1:08 

Well, we can do it by, I must have been about 15. So it must have been about 2000 2001

Lisette Auton  1:16 

Yeah, because I had the Millennium at university. Yeah. And it was the Pulp song, the let’s all meet up by

Madi Gray  1:21 

the year 2000

Lisette Auton  1:23 

And a fountain, was there a fountain in it?

Madi Gray  1:26 

so wouldn’t be strange when we’re fully grown. Be there two o’clock by the fountain down the road? Yeah.

Lisette Auton  1:32 

Just when that first song, that song first came out that felt like forever away. So yeah, I had the Millennium at university and then it must have been after that, that it started going a bit.

Madi Gray  1:42 

Pete Tong?

Lisette Auton  1:42 

Yeah, definitely. What do you, do you remember me coming back? Because I’d obviously been away for like three years. And you had my bedroom!

Madi Gray  1:51 

A did? Well, yeah. Your bed wasn’t even cool. Claim that bad boy. I’d had my eye on that for years. And you said you were moving back1 Why do you think they had an extension built? I wasn’t giving that back!

Lisette Auton  2:08 

You’re horrible! The book that I’m writing at the moment, I’ve used that little bedroom in it. And I say in it how like, if you open the door too wide, it clunks against the end of the bed.

Madi Gray  2:20 


Lisette Auton  2:21 

Because yeah, it was. Yeah, it was tiny.

Madi Gray  2:23 

I was tainted, it made me, because I was at school wasn’t I, I was at secondary school. And I had that, it just reminded me of Alex going to secondary school now and getting his room sorted for him. But they got me one of those desks that folds away against the wall, because that’s all it was big enough for? Yeah, it was. It was a tiny little room. And I remember you going away to uni. And it was just like, it’s so weird, though, isn’t it? Because I can’t like pinpoint our relationship at that point. Because it must have just been that kind of deep seated. We belong to each other.

Lisette Auton  2:55 

We know each other exists.

Madi Gray  2:57 

Yeah. And I remember missing you. But we weren’t particularly close. I don’t know why I did. I think it was just traditionally supposed to miss someone that you’re close to!

Lisette Auton  3:09 

Or they’re like, meant to be in the house. Yeah, cuz Is it five? Yeah. Five years. So it was like, when you were born, it? Like you weren’t like close enough in age to be fun.

Madi Gray  3:20 

No. And we weren’t at the same school.

Lisette Auton  3:21 

No, and I didn’t want to look after you know, just like you were just there. Yeah. in the nicest possible way.

Madi Gray  3:29 

Yeah, when you went off to uni. I certainly remember, I remember writing your letters and saying how much I missed you.

Lisette Auton  3:36 


Madi Gray  3:37 

And you gave me the uni experiences that I needed to mean that I never went to university because I did it all through you

Lisette Auton  3:47 

nailed those – mini me.

Madi Gray  3:49 

Yeah, yeah. That was me. Yeah. And so we must have been close enough for that

Lisette Auton  3:55 

must have been because I was really ill through my final year.

Madi Gray  3:58 

I remember that. Well. I don’t I don’t remember. I know that’s a lie. I don’t remember you being ill throughout your final year. I remember you doing a performance where you had food poisoning or something and you kept having to run off.

Lisette Auton  4:12 

yeah, that was the beginning of it, that was the trigger

Madi Gray  4:14 

and I remember not being told anything after that. After that is a massive fill in the blanks. I have just sort of got in my head that that was the start of it. But I wasn’t, I wasn’t for sure about that. But it’s like everything is with, you know, with our family. Really. Everything’s a bit secret, isn’t it? But it’s just it’s that traditional thing of you protect your kid. You don’t want to maybe admit that you don’t know what’s happening. And I was a lot younger. I was very

Lisette Auton  5:00 

a whole heck of I don’t know what’s happening. There was no straight answers.

Madi Gray  5:03 

And I was incredibly self involved. And going off and finding myself in the world and letting everyone else crack on with it

Lisette Auton  5:11 

should be at that age,

Madi Gray  5:12 

well I was maybe a bit more than others. I think, I think I was very self sensitive at that age. And so I knew that there was something going on. But to be fair, if no one was really telling me that, oh here’s the cat. Hello, Milo.

Lisette Auton  5:27 

You’re so noisy!

Madi Gray  5:31 

we’re having a deep and meaningful conversation, Milo

Lisette Auton  5:33 

Oh, that is fantastic. Excellent timing sir cat. So do you remember from? Because I don’t really, I remember. Oh, that was it. It was the end of university for me. And was it the end of school or about to be the end of school, or before GCSEs for you, and we went to Disney World. And that was meant to be the ultimate…

Madi Gray  5:56 

Oh, Yeah.

Lisette Auton  5:57 

And that was when I was just broken. But we didn’t know why. we got close there. Because you were my backup with that.

Madi Gray  6:04 

Do you think that was it?

Lisette Auton  6:05 


Madi Gray  6:05 

Do you think that was the click, or at least that was the beginning of it. I was very defensive of you. very possessive of you. There was that night in that restaurant. Where I don’t know what I was eating. But I remember it being the most amazing thing I’d ever put in my mouth. And for a fussy eater that was saying something. And I remember having angry face on even though my brain was going NOM NOM NOM. And in my head, I was doing that. But yeah, mam and dad had sort of fallen out with you hadn’t they?

Lisette Auton  6:41 

Yeah, it was. I mean, no one’s to blame. No one got it. It was meant to be this amazing. Like, once in a lifetime holiday.

Madi Gray  6:47 

I think there was a lot of frustration.

Lisette Auton  6:51 

And I couldn’t articulate because I didn’t know. and I think there was also a heck of a lot of fear. Because it was

Madi Gray  7:01 

when it’s not something physical. I mean, it was to a to a certain degree physical cos it was affecting you physically. But when it’s pain that you can’t describe and brain fog that you can’t describe because your brain fog.

Lisette Auton  7:12 

Yeah. And so because I didn’t know what brain fog was.

Madi Gray  7:15 

Yeah, yeah.And just something that isn’t like ow I’ve broken my arm. Yeah. That that was the beginning of it all really. that must have been it. That must be I think that’s our roots, you know, I think yeah, I think you might be right there. I think you might have nailed it.

Lisette Auton  7:30 

Isn’t it so funny? I forgot. I remember that restaurant thing vividly. Yeah, because it was just broken. Horrible. And you stuck up for me and I went and just sat like in the car for the rest of the night

Madi Gray  7:47 

I came and joined you. I’m leaving now. 10 minutes later? That was delicious.

Lisette Auton  7:53 

I think that sums us up. Like, absolutely. For each other. To the max to the hilt.

Madi Gray  8:03 

Yeah, that’s always the fine print.

Lisette Auton  8:08 

Navigating it all, I suppose.

Madi Gray  8:10 

I think it feels to me like there was a massive crash from there that it just got worse and worse,

Lisette Auton  8:16 

because I just started that job. I was like, skint. I’ve got no money. I need to have a job. And I went and worked just over the road. At, oh, Mowden Hall.

Madi Gray  8:27 

Oh, yes.The only thing I remember about that is that a German guy phoned you. You could have a conversation with him slightly because you knew a bit of German. That’s it. That’s the only thing I remember.

Lisette Auton  8:40 

Everyone took like pot noodles and put them in the drawer. I don’t know whether anyone else ate the Pot Noodle I never really understood all of that. Maybe that was my brain

Madi Gray  8:47 

shared office kind of mentality isn’t it

Lisette Auton  8:51 

and I was just determined that I was going to like because, worth was wrapped up in job. And there was a lot of stuff about you know, like what you’re doing with your life. What you’re going to do, actually just like curl up and die. But no, I’ll go and get that job then.

Madi Gray  9:06 

How old were you then? Early 20s? How old were you when you finished uni? I don’t know what uni ages are.

Lisette Auton  9:14 

About 21.

Madi Gray  9:14 


Lisette Auton  9:16 

yeah, yeah, I had my 21st birthday at uni and then we went away. So maybe 21/22 so that would make you 16/17. That would make you sixth form. Kind of that age

Madi Gray  9:28 


Lisette Auton  9:28 

Then I went one day and when I came home I went to bed and pretty much didn’t get up again

Madi Gray  9:36 

So when you, I don’t remember you being in that little bedroom. You know?

Lisette Auton  9:39 

Do you remember when we did the book for mam and you and dad would come in and?

Madi Gray  9:42 

Yes, standing in the doorway. Yes. Yeah, yes, that’s the that’s the only memory I can really summon of you in that room.

Lisette Auton  9:52 

Curtains were nearly always drawn because I couldn’t cope with the light from outside.

Madi Gray  9:57 

I don’t even really remember the extension being built. Because mam and dad must have figured that you weren’t off anywhere anytime soon.

Lisette Auton  10:04 

Yeah. And I think there was like, again, an unspoken thing of. We maybe know that before you know that.

Madi Gray  10:11 

Did you ever talk to mom and dad about it?

Lisette Auton  10:13 

I don’t really know. I mean, like I always used to like, I’d have the whole day like by myself and being broken and I used to, bless mum. I used to sit at the top of the stairs when she came home because I was desperate for like News of the World or something outside. And it was the first time that we ever, did we go to Sainsbury’s? Because we’d found out that Sainsbury’s had like wheelchairsfor older people, so we went to Sainsbury’s and we plonked me in a wheelchair. And that was the first time ever, and I was like, whoa, I’m actually like seeing a bit of the world. It was only a supermarket. But that was amazing. And that led to us because of that getting, getting a wheelchair.

Madi Gray  10:53 

Because until then it was curtains drawn. no noise,

Lisette Auton  10:57 

and eyes closed. And you, I remember one time you had a mate round. And I think you would like to be told to like, keep the music down and stuff. And that was the first time that I felt rubbish. Because it was impacting on your life and your fun.

Madi Gray  11:12 

I don’t remember if it makes you feel any better. Yeah. I don’t remember that. I don’t remember ever having any ill will towards you.

Lisette Auton  11:20 

That’s really nice.

Madi Gray  11:21 

Well, how could I you were just this, like a ghost in the bedroom? You would describe it. You were just there? I don’t, I don’t remember how long that was? No, no. No, I would have to find out when the

Lisette Auton  11:40 

extension was built. I do know that used to dry my hair for me.

Madi Gray  11:43 

I remember that. But I thought you were already in the other bedroom by then. Like Yeah, cuz

Lisette Auton  11:48 

there was a long time in that little room where it was just like bed and me. That’s like how you, like if you like draw it in your head like graphic novel. Yeah, it’s almost like Victorian lady with scarves, and like floral stuff in that, just little room. It doesn’t feel like me at all.

Madi Gray  12:04 

And I feel awful, because I must, I must have spoken to you at some point. But I’ve got no recollection of like the, like the gravity of it, you know, like going, like there was no, I don’t remember any worry or fear or just this was just so matter of fact, and the way it is, and whether

Lisette Auton  12:25 

that was something that we kept from you as well, because I know that I did massive epic, I think Mum would mainly be on the receiving end of those, of just like holding it together for ages. And then just sobbing and going, like I was at uni I was meant, I did a TEFL course I was meant to go off

Madi Gray  12:40 

and teach, I was never going to see you again.

Lisette Auton  12:42 

travel the World, like Darlington never coming back to you.

Madi Gray  12:46 

And I was cool with that

Lisette Auton  12:49 

you would have come out to China and it would have been great. You would have had like a week and got to know people, just chucked you off again. But

Madi Gray  12:54 

I don’t know whether it’s the fact that we didn’t talk about anything. So therefore this was perceived as quite normal. Or whether it was my self centeredness that didn’t, I should have been more inquisitive, or whether stuff did happen, and I just don’t remember it.

Lisette Auton  13:09 

But this would have been years and I certainly don’t have enough. I’ve got enough memory to fill in maybe about a week or two. Not for years.

Madi Gray  13:17 

Because you didn’t do anything. You didn’t. You were just

Lisette Auton  13:21 

Yeah. Just Radio 4 in a bedroom. Yeah.

Madi Gray  13:25 

And I really seem to think that I just let you crack on with it. It didn’t get in the way my life, I’m off, I’m living my life my way

Lisette Auton  13:34 

as it should be. And that makes it feel better than it was, because I think my fear was that I kind of spoiledthat.

Madi Gray  13:40 

No, not at all. Not at all. Like you were just, you were a fact of life. Just the thing in the bedroom, the thing in the bedroom. And that’s, saying that now, is hideous, and it was like that. I’m not, like the person that I am now who likes to look after everyone and make sure everyone’s okay and and very much be the Monica, that does not sit well with me. But there is some comfort in knowing that you don’t have many memories because at least you’re not saying yeah, you were horrible

Lisette Auton  14:20 

you know I think it’s because I spent most of my time either asleep or in pain. Or like just like in imagination land. So lots of that feels very unreal. Yeah, I think it’s because I lived in

Madi Gray  14:36 

Radio 4 and the Archers

Lisette Auton  14:38 

Yeah. Oh my I still love that

Madi Gray  14:40 

 I’m surprised you don’t get you know your history muddled.

Lisette Auton  14:44 

Well, actually, it was when I had that farm. Do you remember that bit? Yeah, that was basically my life was the Archers and I could only listen to stuff in little bits before I got sick. So because it was in 15 minute chunks. It was great. Yes was enough to hold me but yeah just, I lived in story, I made loads of stuff up maybe that’s more of my memories, is the stuff that wasn’t real and the stuff that was

Madi Gray  15:08 

and then you just kind of like you just became like the part of the bricks and mortar, didn’t even know when you moved into the spare room, yeah that’s the only thing I remember, you really being upset sometimes and me talking to you at the door, you know either because you’re upset, or because I knew that you needed your dark and quiet. I don’t know what it was. I remember that.

Lisette Auton  15:32 

You remember being at the door?

Madi Gray  15:35 

I don’t remember being in your room ever. I remember being at the door and then one time you were upset I was passing notes into the door and I couldn’t spell mascara. So put question mark next to like

Lisette Auton  15:44 

Oh I don’t remember that!

Madi Gray  15:44 

Like sic Mascara. I don’t know whether you’d had a run in with, with mam and dad or whether it was something else, but I just remember you being upset and passing notes through the door. And I don’t remember it being because well, it might have been because you wanted your privacy or I thought you should be left alone but I think there was just like an etiquette of we don’t disturb was that

Lisette Auton  16:11 

Yeah, cos that might be the only time that she’s not in pain or asleep or doing whatever so let’s not just in case. I don’t remember it feeling like in the whole story world you know, like Rapunzel in your tower. Yeah, just completely like cut off from me.

Madi Gray  16:26 

That was the territory that we did not cross into. And, and I just kind of left you to it because I didn’t know what to do with you or get

Lisette Auton  16:33 

I don’t think I knew what to do with me. I don’t think anyone did. I mean everyone. Everyone was kind and lovely. But it was this like mystery of what do we do with them?

Madi Gray  16:42 

Yeah. The only, the memory I have of that room. Why were you taking Tramadol and the lilies and the red dot .oh Gosh, that was, was that wasn’t when your head exploded? Was it?

Lisette Auton  16:56 

No, that was a different time. I think it was the pain had got so bad that we tried that,

because mam had been taking it

Dr. Meg.

Madi Gray  17:05 

Dr. Meg had prescribed it,  she’ll get locked up after this

Lisette Auton  17:09 

no no right? She didn’t really know,

Madi Gray  17:12 

Try some of theis, pet!

Lisette Auton  17:21 

it’s got to the point where I was able to watch a tiny little bit of telly and were

Madi Gray  17:28 

downstairs? I don’t remember you getting out your room ever.

Lisette Auton  17:31 

No I didn’t have TV in my room, so it must have been downstairs and it was

Madi Gray  17:36 

He’s back

Lisette Auton  17:36 

Have you been on your travels Milo? didn’t see Remy? You’re so noisy, it’s wonderful.

Madi Gray  17:43 

Sorry carry on.

Lisette Auton  17:44 

I’m watching pitch black with Vin Diesel Yeah, I remember thinking it was coming out of the TV it was so scary

Madi Gray  17:51 

yeah cos it was cos you’d taken the Tramadol,

Lisette Auton  17:54 

When I saw it again the film was like well, rubbish compared to what I saw.

Madi Gray  18:00 

And it was it was the red dot the standby button on your stereo started flying around the room and the lily started flying around the room

Lisette Auton  18:07 

I’d forgotten about that, mum was just like *GASP* was just like,

Madi Gray  18:12 

I’d like to say she hasn’t done it since, but she’s a risk taker, and then the, and then I seem to skip from that to putting you in the wheelchair to take you to the junior school over the road. Because I don’t even know how, but they had like was it like, a sponsored, Gosh, to raise money for the ME charity. I

Lisette Auton  18:46 

knew that they were doing it then, it was because, that I just got in touch with Mark. And Mark had got a sponsorship form from his nephew Ryan and it says raising money for like Lisette and Mark’s like there’s only one Lisette. Yeah, in the entire universe. So he’d phoned and he was the first person for years that I answered the phone to. And he was like, Why? Why is my nephew doing a sponsored skip for you? And yeah,

Madi Gray  19:12 

cos I don’t know who organised that? No,

Lisette Auton  19:14 

I don’t think anyone knows who organised that.

Madi Gray  19:16 

I remember pushing you in a wheelchair over to the school to accept the giant cheque. Like, that was like something from the telly. That was brilliant. I remember doing that because you thought that you were going over to accept the cheque for the money that have been raised for the ME charity, but like they were saying it was like the money we have raised for Liz, that was, that was that personally. And you were absolutely mortified. Yeah.

Lisette Auton  19:43 

Anything like that. I’d forgotten about that.

Madi Gray  19:47 

Yeah, so I seem to skip from bedridden to that. Yeah. And the hair drying you could wash your hair but you couldn’t dry it. That all came into there. And that is that big time. Yeah. That time is definitely where our, where our roots were put down together.

Lisette Auton  20:04 

Yeah. And then it kind of in my head is, do you think it is protection? Or do you think it’s just, I don’t know, why do you think like, I’ve got loads of memories of other stuff, but that seems like it should have been such a fundamental time and I just don’t. Yeah,

Madi Gray  20:20 

I mean, what did you do, you didn’t do anything, there’s nothing to remember. You know, there’s no, there’s no like you, apart from going to Disney, which was, you know, rubbish. And that was like, terrible. And then getting back on your feet again, you know, it was probably that and then seeing Mark again. Yeah, that was you know, if you didn’t do anything, it’s more me where I think I should remember this. So I mean, I don’t often remember a lot of before today, so I’m going to let myself off, but I should. It feels like a big thing. But maybe it was just that it wasn’t a big thing. To me. Yeah, for some weird reason, which doesn’t make any sense to me. That doesn’t make it better I knowNo, it’s really weird.

Lisette Auton  21:08 

You were like 15/16, how long? How long ago is that?

Madi Gray  21:12 

Oh, don’t, 20 years?

Lisette Auton  21:14 

Well, that’s probably why as well, and you’ve changed a little bit since then.

Madi Gray  21:18 

A little bit. It’s that age, isn’t it as well. And that was a right horrible 15/16 year old as well.

Lisette Auton  21:24 

I don’t remember that. I remember you being lovely.

Madi Gray  21:26 


Lisette Auton  21:27 

Well, maybe I was just so desperate for company that you will do.

Madi Gray  21:29  

Yeah, I was the only person in your life, wasn’t I, it was me or nothing.

Lisette Auton  21:33 

And it was Jackie, Jackie, because mama’s back. Mam’s back was bad. Mam’s back was bad. So Jackie would come and do the hoovering and the bits that mam couldn’t do. And Jackie became the most important person in my world, because she would take the time. Like, I don’t think, not that she didn’t care. That’s the wrong term. And you should be really careful with words, but I don’t think I threw her, like maybe I threw other people. And she just like, would come into my room and she was the person that I would talk to. And she told me stuff that was happening. And Brian would obviously like come out with his like hilarious stuff. And she would report back on that stuff. She was like a way to like count time. You know, she was weekly

Madi Gray  22:13 

Jackie was the one with the balls to step over the threshold of your room when everyone else had been told not not to, I reckon.

Lisette Auton  22:19 

Do you know, I think she was.

Madi Gray  22:21 

Jackie’s told to do something, she she’ll do the other thing, won’t she.

Lisette Auton  22:25 

if she did, I’m so grateful for that. Because she was, she was  the outside world. And she didn’t. She didn’t like try and like say, Oh, this wonderful thing hadn’t happened. Because that might make you feel bad. It was just like, that was what it was. Yeah, she

Madi Gray  22:42 

Brilliant. Yes. A part of the family, isn’t she?

Lisette Auton  22:47 

I suppose it’s leaps isn’t it? Like? It was getting to know stuff? And I know you’d get grumpy with me because I was like, no, no, no, I can do everything. I’m fine.

Madi Gray  22:57 

I still do.

Lisette Auton  22:58 

Yeah, you do still do. But I’m getting better at it.

Madi Gray  23:00 

You are

Lisette Auton  23:01 

I am getting better

Madi Gray  23:01 

You just need a reminder.

Lisette Auton  23:03 

It’s, it’s that independence versus interdependence. And interdependence is the marvellous thing where we all go, we need help from each other. But I don’t think the world like sets you up for that. And I don’t think the world tells you that that’s a good thing. I think it wants you to be independent, and I can’t.

Madi Gray  23:22 

Yeah, okay. You’ve got a really good point there, I think. Yeah. I mean, you look at sort of kids and care, and how they’re set up to be independent by the age of 18. And they set off into the big wide world, it doesn’t have to be like that. It doesn’t have to be like that for anybody. And I think there’s a stigma of weakness that comes along with interdependence. But that’s not the point of it. It’s not like you’re entirely relying on someone and you never give anything back. You know, it’s how the world goes around, and kindness and love and helping you and you helped me and

Lisette Auton  23:52 

it took me a long time to realise though, because I think because of where I come from, there’s a lot of sometimes it feels like a lot of taking, because there’s a lot more stuff that I can’t do or need help with. Or I have to say, No, I can’t do that. Or can we do this differently? Because sometimes it felt and still feels now, like, that’s not always easy to say. And that you don’t want to like put someone out and you don’t want to, like that big thing that I have, like where I don’t want to, like make a fuss. Like and sometimes it’s just getting over yourself.

Madi Gray  24:24 

Yes. Can I get a badge? Get over yourself?

Lisette Auton  24:30 

And it’s not like you’ve ever been like awful or anything about it, it’s not like you’ve ever gone oh my god, I can’t believe you’re asking that. So I don’t know where that comes from.

Madi Gray  24:37 

No, I think I think that’s just society, isn’t it? I think that’s just the way that you are. You’re brought up to be independent and we are we are brought up to be very polite human beings that do things for other people and a very you know are you Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, very apologetic and, and all that not like, you know, Rob, Rob, you know, we should maybe be a bit more. No, let’s not be more like Rob. He’s kind of the other extreme of kind of emotional void, but I know that I am very deep thinking, I feel very deeply I’m very emotional. And I that can very much be a weakness. And I viewed that as a weakness my whole life. You know, I was the kid that if I couldn’t do it, I’d cry. So I was so frustrated. Or if you know still now flipping Mamma mia, here we go again, guys. Yeah, it’s a terrible film. I was crying like a baby at the end of it. You know, I’m that sort of person. And I don’t view that as a weakness anymore. I, I now view that as such an amazing way to feel deep emotions and to you know, when you get the joy out of just like, little things, and we go back that this comes hand in hand if I want to feel the joy in the little things. You’re like, Oh, yu suckers you don’t feel bad? Like I feel something so deeply and amazingly, but that means that I’m going to cry at really rubbish films

Lisette Auton  26:09 

that’s enjoying the little things, though, isn’t it? Because still now, the space I spend most of my time in, and I am meant to be writer and all this stuff. And actually, I’m still just a daydreamer. I don’t have the energy to like spend like 12 hours before breakfast having written 10,000 words. I just can’t

Madi Gray  26:24 

and I think the price of that is overthinking. Yeah, your behaviour around other people. That’s what I’ve concluded. Sorry, you can call me Freud. Yeah,

Lisette Auton  26:38 

no, unless you get a moustache and

Madi Gray  26:40 

then I will , you know I already have one

Lisette Auton  26:44 

the amount of times that we’ve, Yeah, who are you? Excellent. You got those genes

Madi Gray  26:49 

You didn’t. I know. I love the way for my birthday you got me that little buzzy pocket thing, I actually used it yesterday good in an emergency that one

Lisette Auton  27:00 

like I got legs that didn’t work and brain that’s wonky in a body that I’m not fit for this planet

Madi Gray  27:05 

 I got the body hair

Lisette Auton  27:09 

I think you’ve got the worst deal

Madi Gray  27:10 

Do you reckon? because I often I often sort of think, I feel I feel a huge amount of guilt of

Lisette Auton  27:19 

about the gene allocation?

Madi Gray  27:20 

Yeah, it’s like you know you’ve got the nut allergy, got the weird legs that had to go in plaster

Lisette Auton  27:25 

I forgot about that!

Madi Gray  27:28 

 I’ve got funny knees, but you know I can, we can, we can live with that. And the body hair. But you know, you definitely got the bum deal. But then you’ve definitely turned it around to your advantage.

Lisette Auton  27:45 

I’m just me now and I really like me

Madi Gray  27:47 

it took you a long time. Do you remember when you never used to tell anyone you were disabled? Now, you won’t shut up.

Lisette Auton  27:56  

I was totally and utterly ashamed. Because I still say it now and I bang on about it and it’s so boring but there wasn’t any role models. No, it was no one writing books, making art doing anything like that, that I could see. That told me that me and this body and this brain was allowed to do that. And so like yeah, I’d fake it and then I’d make myself so ill for weeks, months afterwards because I just couldn’t keep up the like the faking

Madi Gray  28:24 

and that’s what I worry about when I’m telling you to just slow down. Yeah, mind your spoons and all that, that’s what I worry about because

Lisette Auton  28:32 

That it breaks?

Madi Gray  28:33 

Yeah, yeah. Because you found, you’ve found your kind of your flow and your thing and your balance and I don’t want that to be upset.

Lisette Auton  28:40 

I am better though, because remember last time I came here and I did the school stuff and I was like I need a nap before I did it,

Madi Gray  28:45 

 there we go you did it I’m so proud of you

Lisette Auton  28:51 

but it’s so anti what the world like the world’s like just push on and just do and if you break doesn’t matter we’ll just replace you

Madi Gray  28:59 

yeah, yeah, we’re not. You’re not. You’re definitely not

Lisette Auton  29:02 

Now I do that and I think that’s because it’s, it’s asking for help now and not just asking for it, it is taking it

Madi Gray  29:08 

I think that’s the big thing isn’t it? Simply asking, it’s really difficult even though everyone is so,

Lisette Auton  29:16 

oh hello, Oh, it’s Alex

Alex  29:29 

Sort of good news.

Madi Gray  29:30 


Alex  29:31 

so what the heck is that?

Madi Gray  29:35 

This, Yeah, this is yours.

Lisette Auton  29:38 

Anyway, what’s your good news?

Alex  29:39 

Sam plays in the play, Sam plays a guy called Dr. Spooner.

Madi Gray  29:47 


Lisette Auton  29:48 


Alex  29:50 

And, but he’s not going to be here for the play later today. So I have to do his role. To learn about 17 lines in less than an hour.

Lisette Auton  30:05 

Can we help you with

Alex  30:06 

no I did it

Madi Gray  30:06 

You did it?!

Alex  30:06 

I know all the songs, both the songs I know and I know all the lines, well I get a little muddled with the lines but that’s absolutely fine because the Dr is a character that gets muddled up anyways

Madi Gray  30:21 

this is brilliant. You what, you had a?I thought? he says he deserves a McDonald Oh,

Lisette Auton  30:30 

I thought you’d have a McDonald’s like on your way home from school.

Alex  30:34 

well if I do extra extra extra good

Lisette Auton  30:40 

Oh, well done

Madi Gray  30:43 

Anyway, that is fantastic news. So where Sam?

Alex  30:46 

It’s parent’s evening at his new school.

Lisette Auton  30:51 

That’s rubbish timing isn’t it?

Alex  30:53 

You know there’s the play tomorrow. Yeah. I won’t be playing Doctor Spooner in that one.

Madi Gray  30:58 

Okay. Wow, well, that is blooming. It’s like well, I’m sorry. I’m not gonna get to see that.

Alex  31:05 

It’s fine. Miss did call you today to see if you…

Madi Gray  31:08 

Yes. Yes, she did. I said no, because dad works late on a Tuesday.

Lisette Auton  31:15 

Will you give us a run through of your lines so we can see the performance?

Alex  31:23 

There’s one big paragraph I learnt off by heart.

Lisette Auton  31:26 

Okay, are you going to do it for us?

Alex  31:27 

Okay, thank you. Thank you. Kind spitizens of Slodge, for today and one day only I bring you a miracle of modern medicine. The Spooner spectacular tonic for life. How does it work? I hear you cry, well my zips are lipped and all I can say is one jar of this special tonic will cure everything from morts to weasels, without the pain of hypodermic needle. And someone says rubbish and then someone else says I don’t believe that. And someone else says he’s just a conman. And I say good people you do me a brushing crow I’m not feeding your lack of pies. And there’s also speak American you old fool, and then I say my apologies gadies and lentlemen, sometimes I get a little muddled perhaps I should say it in a song.

Madi Gray  32:12 

And then do you sing a song?

Alex  32:14 

Oh, yes.

Lisette Auton  32:14 

Oh my goodness

Alex  32:16 

All by myself. I do a lot most of it by myself.

Madi Gray  32:19 

Oh I wish I could see this.

Alex  32:25 

That’s fine. Glad you’re not going to be there.

Madi Gray  32:29 

I really wish I was I wonder if someone

Lisette Auton  32:34 

I’m sure one of the teachers would because they had all iPads and stuff out today filming thing.

Alex  32:38 

It’s just that they probably will film some of it.

Lisette Auton  32:41 

It’ll just be safeguarding whether you can see it

Alex  32:45 

But there’s someone in the other class that isn’t allowed to go on the internet,

Lisette Auton  32:52 

Maybe mum might be able to see your bit.

Alex  32:55 

Why? Why it is not like someone’s gonna get your face and go on to this FBI site in search of everything that’s known about you like your age and what your hobbies are and find out. Or even worse. Yeah, yeah, nobody’s gonna do that. You never know. Yeah. Anyway, not gonna take that out of about 60 people, they’re not gonna take that specific person.

Madi Gray  33:27 

So how come they chose you? Are you like dead good at learning lines or something?

Alex  33:31 

No, it’s probably because I said I wasn’t happy with my role

Lisette Auton  33:35 

This proves the point that you are amazing at learning lines. If you’ve learned that massive paragraph just today. That’s extraordinary work.

That is really, really awesome. Well done.  Oh here come Milo

Madi Gray  33:49 

Here comes the troops

Alex  33:50 

Let me do a slam dunk. Okay.

Madi Gray  33:54 

So what do you think to your auntie’s workshop today?

Alex  33:57 

It was alright.

Madi Gray  33:59 

Okay. It was all right. You can put that in your leaflets.

Lisette Auton  34:03 

Excellent. I’m gonna have that as a quote from you on my website. Alex David grey. It was all right.

Madi Gray  34:11 

Go stroke the cat, he’s shouting you? Can you not hear him? He’s going ALEX!

Lisette Auton  34:24 

I don’t have one of those. I don’t think I could do one of those

Madi Gray  34:27 

What? the cat?

Lisette Auton  34:28 

I couldn’t do one of those, but more like the large boy.

Madi Gray  34:32 

No before because it’s gonna be really late when you get back.

Alex  34:35 

Can I go to MacDonalds?.

Madi Gray  34:36 

No. You’ve got a pizza sandwich thing.

Alex  34:40 

I thought you were going to say Lasagna,

Madi Gray  34:43 

Do you want a lasagna?

Lisette Auton  34:44 

Like Garfield.

Alex  34:45 

Anyway, I really really, really, really, really, really want a MacDonalds

Lisette Auton  34:50 

That might be something to discuss because you’ve got another performance. You’ve got

Madi Gray  34:53 

Yeah, you’ve got you’ve got you’ve got another performance tomorrow. So it might be something that we could sort out then. are you doing fake crying? and then we talk to you dad tonight. okay pizza sandwich thing tonight and I know but we’re not gonna have time, because we got Lucy coming around in about an hour or so. So I just need to dropyou off at the, no when Lucy comes I’ll be making you tea and then I’ll drop you off for the play so today’s just a bit, a couple, together and tomorrow I will talk to you about tomorrow okay can you not yeah, so for now what are you doing? Oh that was a good shot, that went on the roof!


I’m a bit worried now the first time was really good that’s just rubbish now

Lisette Auton  35:56 

you’ll be knackered trying to get it that high, the suns in your eyes

Alex  36:04 

there we go

Lisette Auton  36:05 

Is that up again?

Madi Gray  36:06 

it’s just what I want, clogging up the gutter, it’s just what I want clumping, but I know you’ve got some extra lines to play now, but I don’t think you’re going to be chosen for the sports teams anytime soon

Lisette Auton  36:32 

no not on the throw

Madi Gray  36:36 

Love you.

Lisette Auton  36:42 

You’re going to end up with a black eye!

Alex  36:44 

No I’m not. Yoghurt?

Lisette Auton  36:51 

Yeah. Mmm. Yoghurt.  Did you bring the story back home, the one that you did in the workshop? And the map

Alex  36:59 


Madi Gray  37:00 

what’s gonna happen to them? okay, let me check Twitter to see if she’s made it to that yet

Lisette Auton  37:17 

and then it just came up, oh a little apple!

Madi Gray  37:21 

oh this is them sharing their work after the assembly so Alex said about them sharing their work yeah, and that’s what the tweets are about. Were you in charge of the….

Alex  37:55 

That was not me. Oh, no, it was last year.  SGGS SGG

Lisette Auton  38:13 

those are the initial things.

Madi Gray  38:15 

Okay, so what’s going on with your shoe? What is going on?

Lisette Auton  38:20 

Stop destroying your shoes!

Madi Gray  38:22 

They’re expensive Oh Alex, what happened there?

Alex  38:32 

I accidentally threw my shoe instead of a little apple

Madi Gray  38:36 

No you threw the apple

Lisette Auton  38:40 

Did the shoe follow the apple?

Alex  38:46 

My shoes went flying off and hit the window.

Lisette Auton  38:49 

let’s not throw the shoe

Madi Gray  38:51 

Now go and get changed Mr. Blister

Alex  38:53 

No I’m not getting changed

Madi Gray  38:54 

 Yes, you are getting changed.

Yes, you are

Lisette Auton  38:57 

for assembly thing tonight

Madi Gray  38:58 

Oh yeah. What do you need to go back to school uniform?

Alex  39:01 

Yes I do

Madi Gray  39:02 

 Sucks to be you

Alex  39:03 

Sucks to be you not knowing what we need to go back in!

Lisette Auton  39:07 

Yeah, well done.

Alex  39:10 

I feel like this …

Lisette Auton  39:16 

Don’t demonstrate on me!

Alex  39:16 

It’s not hard! I went like this and she said OW

Lisette Auton  39:24 

it’s like having like a little you and a little me but rolled into one.

Alex  39:28 

But this. You’re going to say OW.

Madi Gray  39:36 

I’ve got to live with this.

Lisette Auton  39:37 

You know when you said that the SATs books didn’t have to go back and it turned out they did. We remember that moment. So are you going to show up tonight and you’re going to be the only one in school uniform.

Alex  39:51 

Anyone in pyjamas? I’m not

Lisette Auton  39:58 

okay, that’s fine.

Alex  40:00 

They literally said come back in school uniform.

Madi Gray  40:02 

Okay, so we have to trust you

Alex  40:22 

it landed in a plant pot!

Lisette Auton  40:23 

Ooh, good shot dude.

 Yeah, that’s gross. That’s properly mushed, you’re going to have tiny little apple spit blobs on your window. I’m exhausted watching him. Where did he get those beans from?

Madi Gray  40:49 

He’s been at school all day. Why doesn’t he just go to sleep?

Lisette Auton  40:51 

What I’d give for his energy.

Alex  41:02 

That’s on top of the garage.

Lisette Auton  41:04 

Shot! Well done

Alex  41:06 

I’m gonna take a new apple

Lisette Auton  41:07 

Okay, just a small one, that looks quite large

Alex  41:15 

Oh my god That hurt.

Lisette Auton  41:18 

doesn’t listen does he?

Madi Gray  41:19 

No. Chill your beans. Al go and have a look at what I’ve got you. It’s on the kitchen bench

Lisette Auton  41:30 

so in conclusion, he’s amazing. You popped him out of you. Well done. I like I get to borrow him because I couldn’t have the energy to do one of them.

Madi Gray  41:39 

No, I’m glad you get to borrow him because that gives me more energy to do one of those.

Lisette Auton  41:47 

So in conclusion, you’re like quite nice. Quite like, you’ll do.

Madi Gray  41:52 

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you’re alright aswell I guess

Lisette Auton  41:58 

just keep cracking on the gas.

Madi Gray  41:59 


Lisette Auton  42:00 

Thank you for making a dress.

That’s all right.

Alex  42:03 

I definitely didn’t open it like

Lisette Auton  42:05 

 Are you eating chocloate?

Madi Gray  42:07 

Where’s mine? Well, yeah, I do actually.

Alex  42:11 

Do you want one Aunty?

Madi Gray  42:11 

I don’t think I can.

Alex  42:12 

Have a look and see when I bring the box.

Madi Gray  42:15 

Bring the box and we’ll read the box.

Lisette Auton  42:18 

But, thank you.

Madi Gray  42:19 

Yeah, nut allergy.

Lisette Auton  42:20 


Madi Gray  42:21 

Dodgy legs. ME.

Lisette Auton  42:23 


Madi Gray  42:23 

There’s got to be other things. Baby Teeth still

Lisette Auton  42:26 

baby teeth. Oh yeah,

Madi Gray  42:27 

Two earlobes on one ear.

Lisette Auton  42:29 


Madi Gray  42:30 


Lisette Auton  42:32 

Mark says I’m an alien from another planet. And I wasn’t made for this universe.

Madi Gray  42:37 

You’re a genetic dead end aren’t you.

Lisette Auton  42:39 

Yeah, a Genetic dead.

Like there are times when it’s like, officially is rubbish. And I don’t want to sugarcoat it and go like this is brilliant. I love it all the time. But I mean it gave me you, like we wouldn’t

Madi Gray  42:55 

I wouldn’t have seen you again. After uni, I’ve always said that if there was anything good that’s come out of this it’s us

Alex  43:01 

I can’t see anything about nuts but I can see a hell of a lot about cocoa powder. What are you laughing at?

Madi Gray  43:22 

bring me the box, babe.

Alex  43:23 


Madi Gray  43:25 

cocoa powder is chocolate, honey

Alex  43:27 


Madi Gray  43:34 

you can tell can’t you go

Lisette Auton  43:41 

oh my goodness, it’s like Mad’s back again.

Madi Gray  43:45 

I’m sorry.

Lisette Auton  43:46 

Especially when he was in a Dinosaur phase.

Alex  43:47 

Yeah, okay,

Lisette Auton  43:49 

well, you did my nut in because you knew all the names of all of them and you’d tell me off

Alex  43:53 

Look at how violently I opened it.

Madi Gray  43:57 

Oh, thanks, look at that, looks like a dog has opened it.

Lisette Auton  44:01 

Oh well good luck at reading the instructions on that one

Madi Gray  44:04 


either do give to Lizzie, or don’t, may contain traces of peanuts and nuts

Lisette Auton  44:15 

 I could never have anything good. I’ll let you actually describe it, what did it taste like?

Alex  44:19 


Lisette Auton  44:19 

Nuts! I don’t know what they taste like!

Alex  44:19 

Like chocloate and caramel.

Lisette Auton  44:19 

You know like one of the the many times that mum tried to murder me?

Madi Gray  44:20 


Lisette Auton  44:20 


Alex  44:27 

Mum, have you tried to murder your sister?

Lisette Auton  44:32 

No, Madi’s never tried to murder me, your mam never has. Grammy has on numerous occasions.

Madi Gray  44:39 

Do you want a different snack, that’s not death

Lisette Auton  44:41 

No, I’m good thank you very much

Alex  44:52 

I’m pretty sure you explained it a bit dramatically.

Madi Gray  44:55 

That’s very unlike me!

Alex  45:02 

what are you laughing at?

Madi Gray  45:03 

The thought of your mum not being dramatic. Your mom is the most dramatic person I know

Alex  45:11 

Any way, one time apparently one time granny bought a cake and didn’t read the ingredients to see if it had eggs, er, not eggs. See if it had nuts in it and she decided to hand it out and when you took a bite of it, you ate it, you swallowed it and then and then I apparently there was goo that started leaking from your head

That’s quite a long period of time

Lisette Auton  45:41 

squished into one story. Love that the way that like how family stories evolve. Yeah, yeah, all of that happened, but in about 12 different timescales.

Alex  45:53 

No, oil does not leak from your head

Lisette Auton  45:59 

it wasn’t oil. It was the fact that I got open wounds on my head and they all leaked and stuck to my pillow.

Alex  46:05 

Yeah, right

Lisette Auton  46:07 

no, it did, didn’t it?

Madi Gray  46:08 

It actually happened dude

Lisette Auton  46:10 

It was gross. Really? Really gross.

Madi Gray  46:12 

That was really good. Well, you know not that but this

Alex  46:16 

Were you in pain?

Lisette Auton  46:17 

Yeah, it wasn’t the best look I’ve ever had. So

Madi Gray  46:19 

she was with Granny so yeah. Granny looked after her and also had to deal with the consequences of her actions.

Lisette Auton  46:29 

I think the best one was one time when grandpa came running around the cut like I’ve never seen grandpa run so fast in all his life

Madi Gray  46:37 

apart from in the Great North Run.

Lisette Auton  46:38 

I mean, yeah, and he knocked out of my hand a snack bar that granny had given me because she hadn’t checked and it had nuts in so he pretty much just whacked it out my hands

Alex  46:49 

So he saved your life

Lisette Auton  46:52 

I know what a hero

Alex  46:57 

Imagine you ate that

Lisette Auton  47:02 

I could eat those all day I can see why he was demanding more. Where are they? If you had like a top 10 like for biscuits and chocolate bar. What number would they get to?

Alex  47:15 

Probabaly one

Madi Gray  47:16 

really? better than Oreos? What

Alex  47:19 

get up and close your eyes and walk to where it looks like a cat, er just a mouse threw up

Madi Gray  47:25 

I don’t want to!

Lisette Auton  47:32 

Oh that doesn’t sound like

Madi Gray  47:35 

I have to get up and close my eyes and walk towards that

Lisette Auton  47:38 

A vomit mouse

Madi Gray  47:39 

where is it? Can I see it before I walk towards it?

Alex  47:41 

Well it’s there but it’s hidden behind that apple. close your eyes.

Madi Gray  47:50 

Oh, what is that?

Alex  47:52 

the inside of a little apple

Madi Gray  47:54 

 oh is it looks like inside of a mouse so I do feel slightly

Alex  47:57 

it looks like it’s tail has dropped off

Madi Gray  48:07 

so why am I here? Oh,

Lisette Auton  48:11 

I felt something horrible was about to happen, by the way. Alex? What do you know or think about disabled me and the stick and the stuff like that? Is it weird? Is it normal?

Alex  48:26 

It’s fine. Totally don’t think anything of it

Lisette Auton  48:30 

legend, well done. I think that says it all really, doesn’t it.

Alex  48:34 

Why? do a lot of people go like why do you have your walking stick,  and you look weird with a walking stick?

Lisette Auton  48:39 

Sometimes people do

Madi Gray  48:40 

have you always known that Auntie is disabled? Have we always said it?

Alex  48:46 

About how. Wait. How long have you been disabled for?

Lisette Auton  48:52 

Since I was 21. half my life

Madi Gray  48:54 

wow you need like a disabled- aversary disabled plaque

Alex  49:00 

that says has been disabled half of life

Madi Gray  49:04 

yeah that’s a bit of a funny thought though. Isn’t it, being a different person than you were kind of supposed to be for more than half your life, so this is actually the person that you were always going to be and

Lisette Auton  49:15 

yeah messes with your head

Madi Gray  49:16 

a little bit sort of cementing who you are. Yeah, yeah. When you reach the halfway mark is

Lisette Auton  49:27 

like more this than that. Oh yuck, that’s gross Pal.

Madi Gray  49:38 

Oh yuck it’s got poo.

Lisette Auton  49:43 

Why do we say have a field day?

Madi Gray  49:48 

fields are fun?

Lisette Auton  49:53 

catchphrase. You’d be awful on that.

Madi Gray  49:55 

I’m actually really good at that. I’ll have you know. Oi don’t pull them off the tree!

Lisette Auton  49:58 

do you ever Play catchphrase?

Alex  50:07 

He watches it with granny and grandpa

Madi Gray  50:09 

What’s that other one you wathc with granny and grandpa?

Alex  50:11 

You’ve been framed

Madi Gray  50:14 

 it’s like saturday tea time all over again

Lisette Auton  50:19 

was that 1993 all over again?

Madi Gray  50:24 

I said four, but yeah three, Al, please don’t pull them off the tree, you can take them off the floor

Alex  50:30 

you’ve told me that like ten times,

Lisette Auton  50:32 

Well do it then!

Alex  50:29 

I don’t necessarily listen

Madi Gray  50:37 

Runs in the family

Alex  50:40 

your side of the family as well

Madi Gray  50:44 

it’s only when I’m trying to multitask I can’t use my ears when I’m multitasking. How do we do listening well? you just said it was a joke! we do, oh we do jokes well.

Alex  51:05 

That hit the roof.

Lisette Auton  51:05 

Oh that looks so sore, you nearly did the splits!

Alex  51:08 

I know. I gave it more power with my farts.

Lisette Auton  51:21 


Madi Gray  51:27 

Did you enjoy your workshop? Pow oh that’s a bit big that one, that would have been really good on the tree still. Yeah, can we not do that?

Lisette Auton  51:48 

You did do an extraordinary catch just then

Alex  51:52 

I didn’t even catch it. How’s it feel to put your bare foot on metal?

Madi Gray  52:00 

jolly good.

Lisette Auton  52:09 

please talk like that! Oh jolly good Oh, you nearly lost your head, Pal.

Madi Gray  52:18 

Fred. Oh let’s see Fred.

Lisette Auton  52:20 

Oh is Fred in?

Alex  52:22 

Yes he is, the frog.

Madi Gray  52:58 

single home discounting on his council tax.

Alex  53:05 

so we don’t need that for rent sign anymore.

Madi Gray  53:07 

No, we were gonna put up a little sign saying that there’s property to rent for oh, there’s some ants down there I think because they’re all over my legs.

Lisette Auton  53:30 

Yeah, they’re on the floor now. Ground.

Alex  53:32 

Okay, I’m gonna go upstairs and read

Lisette Auton  53:35 

What are you going to read?

Alex  53:36 

I don’t know diary of a wimpy kid maybe.

Lisette Auton  53:38 


Madi Gray  53:38 

good, finish frost heart, do it.

Alex  53:42 


Madi Gray  53:42 

I’m gonna give it away and you’ll never find out the ending and it will haunt you until your dying day.

Alex  53:49 

Sounds amazing! I can tell people that I’m haunted! but I won’t tell them what by

Madi Gray  54:05 

Love you.

Lisette Auton  54:07 

One sec!

Alex  54:08 


Madi Gray  54:11 

that was fake. That was a lie. that you were talking about

Lisette Auton  54:17 

he’s a legend. Played with apples. talked about some stuff.  he’s just as ridiculous as you are.

Madi Gray  54:38 

I know, and I’m really pleased.

Lisette Auton  54:42 

Yeah, I don’t think he would have fit in. He was like, not ridiculous.

Madi Gray  54:47 

Don’t ever not be stupid. Don’t ever not be silly. Because otherwise I’d be really lonely. He responds so well to my silly. He is brilliant

Lisette Auton  55:04 

remember when friends come around to the house, like to mum and dad’s when we were young and they just didn’t get it

Madi Gray  55:08 

yeah like the just the daft. it’s quite a unique thing, maybe our sense of humour is very, it’s very very Bob Mortimer isn’t it

Lisette Auton  55:28 

poor mum’s sometimes as well a bit left

Madi Gray  55:31 

behind. So maybe it’s a Grout thing

it is a great thing. Biscuits on a bridge

Lisette Auton  55:39 

biscuits on a bridge?

Two biscuits were on a bridge, one brisket, biscuit! One biscuit says to the other biscuit what’s your address? And the first one says I’m not going to tell you because you might come and steal my washing! Do you not remember that one? It’s one of my favourites, about the only one I can do properly. I deliver that to people and they just look at me like, what?

Madi Gray  55:40 

oh here he comes again

Lisette Auton  56:12 

He’s so noisy. Is there anything that we’ve not said that we should have said while we’re having this Heart to Heart?

Madi Gray  56:21 

It needed to be done

Lisette Auton  56:27 

this conversation needed to be done and so did the interval

Madi Gray  56:30 

there was an interval so I thought I’m not wasting my time here

Lisette Auton  56:35 

That is you to a tee!

Madi Gray  56:37 

I’ll multitask

Oh, like do my nut in, just sit still!


Lisette Auton  56:44 

Is that everything?

yeah, we’ve done that I was a wally for a while, and now I’m not. You’ve got a really noisy cat. hey noisy cat.

Madi Gray  56:57 

He says Are you sure it’s not me tea time yet? What time is tea time? Five o’clock you’ve got to wait, sorry. Yeah, I think yeah, it just all sort of evolved from Mowden Junior School raising money for Lisette Grout, that’s what it evolved from though.

Lisette Auton  57:32 

Yeah, it did

Madi Gray  57:33 

And then, But then there was the, there were years and years of you being in that room though? And then you and then you left, with with Marky?

Lisette Auton  57:34 


Madi Gray  57:37 

That was just that, just you know, everything just sort of… I wish I could provide more emotionally stark narrative, but it just wasn’t, it just is, is what it is, was what it was.

Lisette Auton  57:58 

I’m really quite grateful for that. Because I think maybe you were worried that I like had horrific, like memories from that.

Madi Gray  58:06 


Lisette Auton  58:06 

it’s mainly it’s just like a fuzzy blank.

Madi Gray  58:08 


Lisette Auton  58:08 

I was worried that I had like entirely like stalled your teenage years and just

Madi Gray  58:14 

No, fuzzy blank, fuzzy blank.

Lisette Auton  58:16 

So either it was just so horrific that we’ve just like, Sharpied it out. Or it was just something that happened and that’s all right.

Madi Gray  58:25 

It’s not as big of a deal as we’re making it out to be. Maybe we should just, yeah, yeah,

Lisette Auton  58:32 

but isn’t that that thing about like, about coming back to interdependence and sistery stuff and things it’s just

Madi Gray  58:39 

got on with it. We did! that’s what it was. We just cracked on with it. Yeah, it was what it was and we just cracked on

Lisette Auton  58:44 

Whatever gets chucked. We’ll just sort it probably with like, a bit of laughter and a bit of tears but we’ll

Madi Gray  58:50 

A stupid joke in there

Lisette Auton  58:52 

stupid joke. And if something like, it going wrong, like that first trip. The road trip.

Madi Gray  58:59 

Which one?

Lisette Auton  58:59 

The Tenacious D one

Madi Gray  59:00 

Where you, when you ordered a double room? This isn’t a double room!

Lisette Auton  59:06 

it’s only got one bed!

Madi Gray  59:09 

You meant a twin room

Lisette Auton  59:10 

Yeah, I did

Madi Gray  59:12 

did that go wrong?

Lisette Auton  59:13 

No. That was brilliant that trip all right.

Madi Gray  59:15 

Oh, I though you were saying that went

Lisette Auton  59:16 

Went wrong with me in the stupid room?

Madi Gray  59:19 

Oh, yeah. Well if that’s all the wrong it was, that’s all right, because that’s just normal wrong

Lisette Auton  59:29 

because we just literally like if there’s been like a dodgy bit with like wheelchair or something like that we just got on with it

Madi Gray  59:35 

I think it’s mam that’s had more of the brunt of the going wrong with your head leaking at Holy Island, and then when you went to Newcastle, and then you were just so broken. I don’t, Oh, after that lush massage.

Lisette Auton  59:49 

Oh yeah.

Madi Gray  59:50 

When you broke

Lisette Auton  59:51 

Broke with you wasn’t I?.

Madi Gray  59:53 

But then I think because we know the rules and we know when things go a bit wrong and we know Maybe what’s made it go wrong?

Lisette Auton  1:00:01 


Madi Gray  1:00:02 

that’s just like right well checkouts not till this time. We just stay put until then.

Lisette Auton  1:00:07 


Madi Gray  1:00:07 

And we just deal with it you what you need right now is to rest. So we’re going to do that. And I think it’s just so ingrained in all of us what the rules are, that we just quickly kind of troubleshoot.

Lisette Auton  1:00:19 

Yeah, I’ll I’m becoming better at not thinking that I’m spoiling it by having those rules. I’m the only one who has them. So it would be quite nice if we shared them. So I didn’t always feel like it was me going. Oh,

Madi Gray  1:00:30 

I think it’s, I think we need to stop this feeling bad thing because you feel bad about that. And then I know that me and mum certainly and probably dad would feel, I feel awful, because I’ve pushed you too hard. I should have. I should have made you rest more, I should have given you more options. I shouldn’t have had such a busy timetable. You know, we, I, I’m responsible for this because I should have been looking after you

Lisette Auton  1:00:51 

or that I’m responsible because like I’m a grown up and I should just say no.

Madi Gray  1:00:55 

Yeah, so what we need to do is bang all of our heads together.

Lisette Auton  1:00:59 

Yeah, make a beautiful sound

Madi Gray  1:01:01 

and just say what we need

Lisette Auton  1:01:04 

all of us

Madi Gray  1:01:05 

 humanity. The world in general. Yeah,

Lisette Auton  1:01:09 

I think what I probably need is a glass of wine

Madi Gray  1:01:11 

right now?

Lisette Auton  1:01:12  


Madi Gray  1:01:13 

But I’ve only got fizz. Or gin.

Lisette Auton  1:01:16 

go gin then

Madi Gray  1:01:17 

and tequila. and Whiskey.

Lisette Auton  1:01:24 

I think it’s definitely the sort of night that calls for a tequila later.

Madi Gray  1:01:27 

Oh hell yeah. I’ve got, I can make a margarita.

Lisette Auton  1:01:30 

We haven’t done that for yonks.

Madi Gray  1:01:32 

It’s a school night man.

Lisette Auton  1:01:33 

Oh yeah. I’ve gotta be up at stupid o’clock tomorrow to drive.

Madi Gray  1:01:35 

Shall we just do it anyway?

Lisette Auton  1:01:36 

yeah, let’s do it anyway

Madi Gray  1:01:43 

we’re finding the source of the problem!

Lisette Auton  1:01:47 

What, shall we just do it anyway? work out the problem the first step. Dealing with it, should do that maybe in the next decade?

Madi Gray  1:01:59 

Yeah, not today.

Lisette Auton  1:02:02 

Go get the glasses in the freezer. All right.

Madi Gray  1:02:09 

Love you

Lisette Auton  1:02:09 

love you